Maybe it’s the weather? Here in Virginia, it’s been very mild for January. There have been several days where it’s been above 65 degrees. Now, in the middle of the month, it’s settling back down to chilly and cold. It’s been hovering around 40-45 degrees in the last few days.
I feel like a big failure. I set so many goals at the beginning of the month, and I feel like I’ve already failed all of them.
I mean, how hard is it to write two blog posts a week? But, every night since January 2nd, especially work nights, I’ve come home and not wanted to look at another computer screen. But, at the same time, I’ve watched hours of TV with Al, and buried my nose in Facebook on my phone or games on my iPad. It’s like my brain went into default decompression every night.
I didn’t look at my emails for at least a week, and there were more than 1,000 by the weekend after New Year’s.
And I feel really bad even writing this out – I have NOTHING to complain about. I have my husband and my dogs. I’m not running on fragmented sleep like many I know – Parents, caregivers, those with chronic illnesses, and others. I have it easy.
I know this is part of my anxiety lying to me, but I feel a bit better now getting it out on “paper.”
Writing this short post has actually helped a lot, believe it or not. This is part of the reason why I write. I “brain dump” – I talk it out, I use Post-It Notes at work, and I have my phone close by to use the Notes app. I think getting back into journaling – Actual handwriting – is a good goal for February. I’m involved with enough screens as it is.
In fact, after I finish this post, I’m shutting off all the screens and going to dive back into Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!
Publish all outstanding Tag posts where I’ve been tagged. — Did not accomplish.
Make at least one thrift store run. — Accomplished!
Write at least two Book Reviews. — Accomplished!
Clear more clutter. — Accomplished!
Work in my office for an hour each weekend. — Did not accomplish.
Clean out the cabinet above the oven. — Did not accomplish.
Sponsor Christmas gifts for two local children. — Accomplished!
Start my spreadsheet for cataloging all my American Girl items to sell. — Did not accomplish.
Celebrate Phineas and Ferb’s Gotcha Day! — Accomplished!
Enjoy Al’s company holiday party. — Accomplished!
Participate in my P.E.O. chapter’s gift wrapping fundraiser. — Accomplished!
Enjoy Christmas! — Accomplished!
Enjoy New Year’s! — Accomplished!
December was far busier and a bit more stressful than I would have liked. I didn’t write here on the blog very much, but I’m grateful for what I did accomplish. I had several meltdowns, but it was all because of my need to control and acting like I could handle everything. The truth is – I can only handle so much. Thankfully, Al was off work for most of the month, and I eased a lot of my anxiety (after the meltdowns happened) by asking him to help with the dishes and laundry when I was at work. In turn, I was less stressed going into Christmas.
Not to say that Christmas wasn’t stressful! We found ourselves at the emergency vet with Ferb on Christmas Eve. Thankfully, he’s okay. He gave us a good scare. He got overly nervous and stressed with all the activity and home improvement project noise in the house for the several days leading up to Christmas Eve. We had some medication left over when Phineas experienced similar symptoms last May, and one dose helped get things back to normal. Our vet is also wonderful – He called us the day after Christmas, after the office closed, and offered to get us the medication to the pharmacy closest to our house if we truly needed it. That one bottle cost us $13.50 on December 27th, and it’s like gold to us. We will always keep some on hand!
We hosted Christmas breakfast and opened gifts. We went to my parents for Christmas dinner, and had a wonderful time with family and friends. I was grateful to have a few days off during Christmas week, and then a day and a half off this week for New Year’s.
I read and reviewed three books this month: Janesville: An American Story, The Stolen Sapphire: A Samantha Mystery, and Paper Girls Volume 1.
I also started reviewing the first draft of my novel in PDF form – I’m almost done. I’m looking forward to printing it out this weekend, and starting to edit by hand. I also received incredible feedback from my friend and fellow writer, Mike H., and can’t wait to dive into his comments.